Lack of curb appeal

ECHOES FROM THE LOAFERS’ CLUB MEETING

  There are going to be many people in Minneapolis tonight.

  Why is that?

  They live there.

 

DRIVING BY BRUCE’S DRIVE

  I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. I was a Bounty hunter in a big store. It took me a while to find the paper towels. Once that was done, I went to work at the fair, where the skies sniffled and wept. Rain bucketed down, with an inch falling so fast, it might have been controlled by the White Rabbit, a fictional and anthropomorphic character in Lewis Carroll's 1865 book “Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.” In that tome, he said, "Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!" Alice followed him down the rabbit hole. The crowd at the county fair didn’t. They took a break and hunkered down until fair weather resumed. I tell people that all weather is fair weather when you’re at a fair. We love a fair for many reasons, but one major one is that we get to break the law, “eat dinner before dessert,” which our parents had enforced.

 

I’VE LEARNED

  John Wayne (born Marion Robert Morrison) lived in Winterset, Iowa, for the first three years of his life. His family moved to other Iowa towns before settling in California when he was six. Firemen in Glendale, California, called him ‘Little Duke’ because he was rarely seen without his Airedale Terrier named Duke.

 

  All the TV news channels prove we can never have too much of a bad thing. WalletHub (https://wallethub.com/edu/states-with-best-health-care/23457) compared the states and the District of Columbia across 44 measures of cost, accessibility and outcome, and discovered the best healthcare was in New Hampshire, with Rhode Island second. Minnesota was third and Iowa fourth. Mississippi was 51st, Alaska 50th and Alabama 49th.

 

  For corn’s sake! Evapotranspiration is the key to how "corn sweat" works. As the root systems of plants draw in water, the leaves of the plant release water vapor into the air. A single acre of corn can give off 3,000 to 4,000 gallons of water per day, according to the National Weather Service. So, if you live near a gym that caters to corn, you will experience high humidity when the corn works out.

 

  Wisdom comes with age because we become too tired to do anything stupid.

  We frown on nepotism, but praise family businesses.

  The internet both enhances and destroys productivity.

  Never argue with anyone stupider than you.

  Superman taught us that everything is portable if you’re strong enough.

  An ice cream sandwich doesn’t need ketchup.

 

NEWS FROM HARTLAND HAROLD

  From Bath Township: The Langlie/Baarson Farm was recognized as a Century Farm at the Freeborn County Fair. Roger Langlie accepted the honor on behalf of the family farm founded by Johannes Baarson in 1902 and then owned by Peder Baarson, Carl Baarson, Leighton and Sylvia Langlie, and currently Roger.

 

  Darwyn Olson’s grandfather bought a 160-acre farm in Hartland Township in 1925. He borrowed $10,000, which took him 30 years to pay back. Darwyn joked he’d spent more on a lawn mower.

 

  I read that the median income per capita was $700 a year in 1925. That’s misleading because most of the residents of Hartland Township were cows, pigs and chickens.

 

BAD JOKES DEPARTMENT

  Where do rainbows go when they've been bad? To the prism, to reflect on what they've done.

 

  The driver, who was involved in a high-speed police chase, pulled into a car wash and made a clean getaway.

 

  The woman complained about her husband spending all day on eBay. She said if he were still on it tomorrow, she'd lower his price.

 

  The doctor asked, "Do you smoke or drink coffee?" The patient replied, "I drink it.”

 

  I entered a competition to see which man had gained the most weight and lost the most hair in five years. It was called a high school reunion.

 

NATURE NOTES

   A temporary wetland in a farm field after recent heavy rainfall was rimmed with great egrets. I couldn’t say I had no egrets.

 

  Not all gulls are eating pilfered pizza in a parking lot. A Bomgaars store had a large flock of ring-billed gulls on its roof. The Latin word “arena” means sand, and the stage where the gladiators and exotic animals engaged in mortal combat was covered in a thin layer of sand. The store’s roof might have been a gull arena.

 

  I walked in the woods, reveling in the lack of curb appeal. An American goldfinch male’s flight, performed in a slow circling fashion over a nesting area, was accompanied by a “po-ta-to-chip” call. A red-headed woodpecker was hawking insects. Its rich red head demanded my attention. Does any bird deserve its name more than the red-headed woodpecker? It was a grand champion day.

 

MEETING ADJOURNED

  “The wonderful thing is that it’s so incredibly easy to be kind.”—Ingrid Newkirk.